We here at Porky’s Groove Machine had noticed the discontent throughout the nation with our current presidential candidates. For many, the decision between the two nominees is a tough one to make, as the two party system does not effectively represent the entire country. This is why Porky’s Groove Machine decided to declare its candidacy for President(s?) of the United States. Our policy plans are unmatched (and unacknowledged) by any other candidate in providing numerous funky benefits to all Americans.
With Porky’s as president, every citizen will have access to single payer brunch, syncopation, and general funkiness. Our foreign policy, the "Porky's Doctrine" (alternatively known as as “Pass the Peace”), will extend grooviness to all nations in need . Our infrastructure plan will put millions back to work replacing unattractive medians throughout the nation with shag carpeting, which, in turn, will create opportunities for related industries, like lava lamp and groovy chair manufacturers. We will never back away from the tough issues like sex ed, which we will address with a program we call “Don’t be Silly (Wrap your Willy)."
Unlike our opposition, we want to unite the nation by bringing together those who believe in both getting up and getting down. So, with our fresh policy plans, our goal to Make America Funk Again, and our new T-shirts, we set out on a national campaign (tour) to make our case to the only group that matters: the American people! 10-4!